I Was Almost Kilt

Is this not the biggest, ugliest spider that you ever did see? Sure, it comes across as super-huge because I zoomed in and cropped it so you could see its beady eyes and gigantor fangs, but it was almost this big in real life! Don't worry though, because I kilt it before it kilt me. Survival of the fittest, baby, or at least the one with opposable thumbs, a flyswatter and a chair.....

I first noticed this bad boy (let's call him BBS for "Big Bad Spider") scampering across the living room carpeting. Charlie Boxer also noticed him and was immediately intrigued, so much so that he attempted to intercept BBS in his travels. BBS, apparently not as interested in Charlie Boxer as Charlie Boxer was in him, hurried under the entertainment center in an attempt to wait us out. Charlie Boxer and I feigned indifference and a few minutes later BBS re-emerged, this time climbing up the living room wall. Before I could arm myself with my trusty yellow plastic instrument o' death he climbed to the juncture of the wall and the ceiling, where he appeared to silently taunt me to "Bring it on."

Never one to back down from an arachnid, I put Charlie Boxer on guard duty while I obtained the necessary elevation equipment (which in this case was the computer chair from the next room). I carefully climbed upon the chair, then, stepping onto the entertainment center for additional leverage, I struck.

I cannot claim a direct blow to BBS, but I either stunned him or scared him sufficiently that he fell to the floor. As BBS limped around behind the entertainment center I tracked his movements and, when the opportunity presented itself, I dealt the lethal blow. Victorious, I scooped BBS onto the flyswatter and gave him a proper burial at sea.

Mad props go out to my assistant, Charlie Boxer, for his steely-eyed courage in the face of this challenge. Good boy Charlie!