Okay, so I'm trying to become a real actual grown-up type person (at least in some ways) and I've decided that Step 1 on my quest is to find a wine that I like. I already know that I'm not going to develop a palate for whiskey or scotch, so wine seemed like a much more viable option. A nice glass of red wine at the end of the day sounds like a good way to relax, no? When someone asks me what I did the night before I could say, "This and that, and at the end of the evening I sat down with a nice glass of (insert sophisticated wine name here) and just chilled" or when someone asks what I'm going to have for supper I could say, "Oh, I think we're just going to throw some steaks on the grill and open up a bottle of (insert sophisticated wine name here)." See, you're already impressed and I haven't even came up with the type of wine that I like yet!
My methodology for choosing wine is not a complex one - I went to UFS and wandered the aisles for a while. I ended up picking out two bottles, somewhere between $8 and $12, and brought them home. The first one I opened was The Stump Jump Vintage 2008 Shiraz. I chose to open this one first because I knew Shad wouldn't be around to help me drink it after I opened it (he's worked the last several nights) and this one had a screw-top. Yes, God help me, the first wine I opened in my attempt to become more sophisticated had a screw-top. Two steps forward, one step back my friends.....
On to the Shiraz. I cracked the ring on it last night (at least it had a metal top!) The bouquet was not unpleasant and the deep red color was very nice. I attempted to do the whole "swish the wine around in your mouth before you swallow it" thing and the initial impression was not too bad. I don't pretend to be able to discern fruits or flowers or woodsy-ness, but it seemed okay. The logical next step was to take a swallow. OMG what a swallow!
It burned. Right on the back of the tongue in what is apparently the "burny" taste zone, this wine set my mouth afire. A wholly unpleasant after-taste lingered at the back of my mouth like I had consumed some sort of hellacious cleaning product. Bad wine! Bad wine! Still, I persevered, having been advised to give the wine a chance. I even got some cheese (okay, so it was a string cheese stick, but still...) to see if that would settle the flavor down. It did not. I even tried the wine again tonight to make sure I gave it a fair shot. I find that I did and the wine still sucks.
Now's the rub - I have about $7.50 left of this $9 wine and I can't bring myself to pour it down the drain. This is truly "take a swallow and spend the next couple seconds shaking your head involuntarily in an attempt to shake the taste out of your mouth" wine and I can't bring myself to dump it in the sink. How cheap am I? More importantly, what in the hizzle am I going to do with this awful swill?
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